January 5th, 2007

Howdy Bloggers and Bloggetts!



Tis a sad/reflective sort of day today and I feel the need to put it down into words. My oldest son Mitch left today to head back to Fort Riley in Kansas. It is always hard to say good-bye to a loved one when they have to leave, but this was especially hard. Mitch has orders to leave for Iraq on February 1st, and could be gone as long as 14-16 months. Your mind can't help but repeat "what-if's" over and over ~ what if this is the last time I see him? ? I wanted to have this profound "talk" with Mitch to express all that I think about, but when it came time all I could do was cry.



It was heartbreaking this morning to watch him say good-bye to his 10 yr old brother Zachary and little Jessica. Zachary is a sweet soul, who worries about everyone and everything ~ he wanted to say things to his brother, but was worried he would get "teased" for expressing feelings of love. Why is it so hard for boy's/men to show love sometimes?? But Mitch gave Zach a big hug as Zach was crying and said, "It's all good". Three simple words, "It's all good" ~ helped Zach to relax. I have a feeling it will be our motto for the next 14-16 months.



Mitch and I have had a long standing "joke" you could say ~ whenever I would say good-bye to him since he was about 14 or so ~ I'd say, "I love ya Mitch" and he'd just look at me and do this lopsided shitassed grin ~ and I'd say, "and you love me tooooooooooooooooooo" and he would say "yeah ok," and laugh. Today it was hard letting him go, hugging him, kissing his cheek and I said ~ I'm so proud of you Mitch, please be careful over there, and I love You. My knees nearly buckled when he said I love you too Mom. No joking, no laughing, just a serious expression ~ for some reason that frightened me more, it sounded so final.



For we are all aware of what going to Iraq can mean. Will he come home the same young man?? Will he still have his sense of humor?? Will things he has seen there change him forever?? And how does a parent let a child go, knowing he will be in harms way?? He might look like a man to everyone else, but I still see the little boy who was nicknamed "beener", who has the most infectious smile, who can be serious and sweet all at the same time, ~ and who once melted a army man's head then stuck it in a shag carpet to hide it! Mitch has always been a leader, and has already won a few awards/medals. I almost want to say why do you have to be the one leading your group of guys, can't you be in the back somewhere??!?*lol* But I know that wouldn't be Mitch ~ he is who is he ~ a very proud, young, hardworking man who does his job with great pride.



So Mitch I guess I have done just about everything a parent can do. Now I just have to sit back and watch you live your life and pray. I pray you remember your sense of self, that you keep a cool head, that you respect all the life around you, and pleaseeeee come home to us. ~ God Speed sweet Son I will see you when you return. It's all good.



Love, Mom